#3: Elevator Small-Talkers

We've all been there. It's not even 8am (or what I refer to as "ass o'clock"), you didn't sleep well last night, and it's a miracle you even dragged your sorry self in to the office at all. You approach the elevator and feel your heart sink as you realize you won't be getting to ride up those few floors to your office alone this morning. And even worse, the person you have to share that ride with is cheery, bubbly, caffeinated, friendly, and, oh God... wants to talk to you.

You give them a feeble smile and then try to busy yourself with your iPod (I can't hear you!) or your purse (I'm busy!), or even stare straight ahead (I'm blocking you out!), but still they persist. The conversation always consists of lame, obvious comments about the weather, or how it's Monday and isn't that too bad, and did you have a nice weekend?

Finally you reach your destination and you bolt out of there, desperate for the annoying person to just...shut...up already. But of course they have to yell after you "take care!" or "have a nice day!" or, worst of all, "see you around, kiddo!". You might have been willing to forgive them all their stupid chatter despite your obvious discomfort at the conversation and your unwillingness to participate in it, but that last exclamation puts you over the edge, and you vow to burn the whole building down with everyone in it...or, more realistically, hate this person until the day you die.

Or at least until you get some damn coffee.

#2: Movies With Animal Abuse as Comedy

Oh, look! Someone just threw a cat across the room and it made a screeching "reow!" noise as it flew by. How hilarious! It just never gets old!

Ugh.

I've never found simulated animal abuse even remotely funny. National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, Joe's Apartment, Problem Child, Idle Hands, There's Something About Mary, Dumb & Dumber, A Christmas Story, the list of (really crappy) films featuring animal abuse goes on and on. My dad can't be the only one laughing here if this is repeated in film after film as a comedic element. What's the deal? Granted, these types of films are often lowbrow, ridiculous physical comedies. But still. Why is this supposed to be funny?

(Feel free to suggest other films featuring "funny" animal abuse. I know there are tons of others, but oddly enough, I Googled and couldn't find a list of them anywhere.)

#1: Ugly Christmas Sweater Wearers

While ugly Christmas sweater parties are all the rage these days (and rightly so; who doesn't love ironically sporting something they hate?), it's the people who wear ugly Christmas sweaters in earnest that deserve a kick in the shins. I can tolerate someone wearing one on December 24th or 25th (I'm talking about you, all the women in my family), but the people who wear them all season long? No, no, no!!! These are the people who always have the most hideous sweaters of them all: they are bedazzled, or they actually light up, and are almost always accompanied by cutesy, stupid Christmas earrings: light bulbs, snowmen, Christmas trees, Santa Clauses.

Do us all a favor and shove a Charlie Brown Christmas tree up your ass. 'Tis the season.